Issue 40

In this issue:

1) Welcome Letter by Sibyl McLendon
2) The Origin Of Butterflys a Tohono O'Odam story
3) Affect on Each Other by Rinatta Paries
4) More Feline Lessons by Staci Backauskas
5) The Power Of Music

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Welcome Letter
by Sibyl McLendon

Yá'át'ééh, and welcome. I especially want to welcome the new
subscribers this week. I hope that MousePages is all that you thought
it would be.
Well, we got DSL this week, and I am one happy mouse. Amazing how much
time this saves me when I am designing new sites. (Oh, by the way, I
design web sites!) Anyway, this is how the Internet should be, in my
opinion. Anthony, my grandson, will be thrilled when he visits. He is
young, and has very little patience when it comes to waiting for his
games to load on various sites. Java, flash and shockwave are all
wonderful inventions, but not if you have to wait for 5 to 10 minutes
for something to load. That is why I never recommend them to the
business that I build sites for. I think that they just tick the
average person off.
And frankly, I think there is already enough out in cyberscape to tick
people off. I just hate it when I do a search for something, and what I
get also lists a bunch of porn sites. I get it that the Internet is a
place where freedom abounds, and that censorship hurts the innocent. I
just wish that there was some way to filter out the crap if you aren't
looking for it.
But my real hot spot is porno spam in my mailbox. I have had to abandon
email boxes because I started to get tons of offers to go and look at
stuff that I really didn't want to see. I am 50-something, have been
married twice and have given birth to two children. I have also worked
for years in hospitals. I already know what people's parts look like,
and I really don't need a reminder! I certainly don't want my grandson
to wander onto any of those sites. (Don't even get me started about
child pornography! As an adult surviror of molestation, I really don't
want that on the
Internet!) Anyway, I wish they would just stop spamming the innocent.
End of lecture.
I hope that you enjoy this issue, and that you all have a wonderful week.
Hágoónee' !
You may write me at navajo-@hotmail.com

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The Origin Of Butterflys
~ from the Tohono O'Odam

One day the Creator was resting, sitting, watching some children at play
in a village. The children laughed and sang, yet as he watched them, the
Creator's heart was sad.
He was thinking:
"These children will grow old. Their skin will become wrinkled. Their
hair will turn gray. Their teeth will fall out. The young hunter's arm
will fail. These lovely young girls will grow ugly and fat. The playful
puppies will become blind, mangy dogs. And those wonderful flowers -
yellow and blue, red and purple - will fade. The leaves from the trees
will fall and dry up. Already they are turning yellow."

Thus the Creator grew sadder and sadder. It was in the fall, and the
thought of the coming winter, with its cold and lack of game and green
things, made his heart heavy.

Yet it was still warm, and the sun was shining. The Creator watched the
play of sunlight and shadow on the ground, the yellow leaves being
carried here and there by the wind. He saw the blueness of the sky, the
whiteness of some cornmeal ground by the women. Suddenly he smiled.
"All those colors, they ought to be preserved. I'll make something to
gladden my heart, something for these children to look at and enjoy."

The Creator took out his bag and started gathering things: a spot of
sunlight, a handful of blue from the sky, the whiteness of the cornmeal,
the shadow of playing children, the blackness of a beautiful girl's
hair, the yellow of the falling leaves, the green of the pine needles,
the red, purple, and orange of the flowers around him. All these he put
into his bag.
As an afterthought, he put the songs of the birds in, too.

Then he walked over to the grassy spot where the children were playing.
"Children, little children, this is for you," and he gave them his bag.
"Open it; there's something nice inside," he told them.

The children opened the bag, and at once hundreds and hundreds of
colored butterflies flew out, dancing around the children's heads,
settling on their hair, fluttering up again to sip from this or that
flower. And the children, enchanted, said that they had never seen
anything so beautiful.

The butterflies began to sing, and the children listened smiling.

But then a songbird came flying, settling on the Creator's shoulder,
scolding him, saying:
"It's not right to give our songs to these new, pretty things. You told
us when you made us that every bird would have his own song. And now
you've passed them all around. Isn't it enough that you gave your new
playthings the colors of the rainbow?"
"You're right," said the Creator. "I made one song for each bird, and I
shouldn't have taken what belongs to you."

So the Creator took the songs away from the butterflies, and that's why
they are silent.
"They're beautiful even so!" he said.

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Affect on Each Other
by Rinatta Paries

Do you know what kind of an affect you have on other people? Are they
better off knowing and interacting with you? Or do you leave people
worse off and having to recover?

If you leave people better off than you found them, you know how good it
feels to make this contribution to others. When you help and support
others, you increase your self-esteem. Also, by
treating others well, you naturally expect to be treated well by others.
Because you expect it, you do in fact get better treatment. It becomes
a positive, nurturing cycle.

On the other hand, if you have ever left someone worse off than when you
found him or her, you know how bad it feels to take away from others.
Leaving people worse off lowers your self-
esteem. You lose a bit of self-trust and self-respect. You begin to
expect others to treat you poorly as well. It becomes a vicious cycle.

This is not to say that you should never hurt others, or that you should
take care of others to the detriment to yourself. Always do what is
best for you. But whenever possible, leave people better off than you
found them, even if that means leaving them for good.

For example, let's say you are not the tidiest person, and you are house
sitting for a friend. You leave a bit of a mess behind, move some things
around. When the homeowners return, they have to put their house back in
order before they get a chance to rest. This takes time, attention and
effort. They may become resentful and angry with you. You have just left
them worse off than you found them.

If you had cleaned up after yourself, your actions would have had a
different affect on them. They could come home, relax and be grateful to
you. What if, in fact, you left their house better than you found it?
Say you left some flowers or had dinner waiting for them? How would they
feel when they returned? Nurtured, loved, and grateful. Definitely
better off.

Think of other people's lives as their houses. If you enter their lives
and don't clean up after yourself, they will have to deal with your
mess. This robs them of energy. Unfortunately, we can sometimes leave a
mess in people's lives without realizing it.

Consider two people on a first date. They have a great time and make
plans for a second date. Yet the man is never heard from again. The
woman wonders what happened, why she got mixed
signals, and if she's done something wrong or wasn't attractive enough.
The mess this man left behind for the woman is her lowered self-esteem
and unanswered questions.

Consider a different couple in a long-term relationship. The woman
suddenly leaves the relationship, never having voiced that anything was
wrong. Her partner wonders what went wrong, what he did wrong, and he
will wonder and be in pain for a long time. The mess he is left with is
pain, fear of abandonment, mistrust of others, and mistrust of himself.

Or let's look at another couple. Let's say the man does not participate
as much as the woman would like. She tries to get him to help, spends a
lot of energy on trying to change him, and
all the while wonders why he does not love her enough to participate
more. The mess for the woman is a drain of her energy to compensate for
the lack of participation from her partner.

Here are a few other instances of how our actions affect others:

=> Being rude leaves people hurt

=> Cheating leaves a partner feeling betrayed and deeply hurt

=> Lying leaves people doubting themselves

=> Breaking a promise leaves people frustrated and mistrustful of
others

If we are not aware of our affect on others, we cause damage. The world
has too much disappointment and pain for us to add more.

What would your life be like if you left flowers in other people's
houses and cooked them dinner? What would it be like if you left a trail
of caring and communication? This may be as simple as making that phone
call you don't want to make to tell someone you are not interested in
dating them. Or it may be a bit more difficult, like telling your
partner what is not working in the relationship and negotiating to make
it work. It may be contributing and participating more so you and your
partner have a great life. It may be saying you are sorry, or telling
the truth when it would be easier to lie.

Whatever you have to do to leave people's lives intact and their energy
full is worth doing. It may be a risk, a bit scary or uncomfortable. But
it leaves you whole and allows you to move forward in your life. It
fills their house with flowers and brings sunshine into yours.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in "The
Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for people who want
fulfilling relationships. For singles, the
newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a
relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with
your mate. To subscribe, go to www.WhatItTakes.com.

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More Feline Lessons
by Staci Backauskas

Every morning for years, my cat Bugsy has expressed a fierce
determination to drag me into the kitchen. And for the same amount of
years, I argue with him that there is already food in the dish. I’ve
lost count of the number of conversations I’ve had with him on the
subject.

As a dedicated cat owner, however, I do find myself on occasion
following him into the kitchen just to make sure. My aggravation level
soars every time I see that there is still food in the dish. Many times
when I cave and follow him into the kitchen only to see that there is no
reason for me to be there, I end up raising my voice and chastising him
for tricking me.

"You HAVE food," I’ll say, frustrated and confused. "What is the deal?"
That question has plagued me as long as he’s been with me. And finally,
today, I got the answer. He’s merely looking for some reassurance, a
message that everything is OK.

There have been plenty of times, with friends and family, that I’ve been
frustrated by certain behaviors. Maybe a friend has told me the same
story several times. Perhaps a family member is acting in an extreme
manner – too hyper, too talkative – that is out of character.

I’ve been learning to step outside myself, to detach myself from ego,
and ask what is really going on. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of
annoyance and frustration, which doesn’t allow us to address what it is
that someone may be asking of us. We all need reassurance sometimes, but
finding the strength and vulnerability to ask for it isn’t always within
our means.

The next time you find yourself being annoyed with a friend or family
member, I invite you detach – step back and ask yourself if you can
provide the reassurance they may need in that moment. In honoring
others’ needs, you honor yours. What greater reward could you ask for?

Copyright Staci Backauskas 2000 Strengthen your spiritual practice and
nurture your soul at http://www.fifthgoddess.com

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The Power Of Music

Everyday People
(Stewart)

Sometimes I'm right then I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my songs
A butcher, a banker, a drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people

Then it's the blue ones who can't accept
The green ones for living with
The black ones tryin' to be a skinny one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
We gotta live together

I am no better and neither are you
We're all the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me
You know me and then
Still can't figure out the scene I'm in
I am everyday people

Then it's the new man
That doesn't like the short man
For being such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
We got to live together

There is a yellow one that won't
Accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one

Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and
Scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
I am everyday people

©2001 Blackheart Records.

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