A Special Christmas MousePages
Merry
Christmas! It is Christmas Eve, that magical time.... and I have a
special holiday edition just for you! There is humor, and articles to
touch your heart, and to help you feel better about yourself, no matter what is
going on. I wish you wonderful holidays, a blessed season, love and peace
and contentment.
Enjoy!
In This Issue:
1) A Christmas Gift Author Unknown
2) 'Twas The Night Before Christmas... by Dave Berry
3) All I Want For Christmas Is... Solitude by Cathy Goodwin
4) The Pagan Origins of Christmas By Royce Carlson
5) A Spiritual Approach to Holiday Blues by Judy Marshall
6) The Holidays: Family Time by Candida Bohnne-Eittreim
"A Christmas Gift"
The True Spirit of Giving
It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.
It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas -- oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it-overspending...the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harryand the dusting powder for Grandma--the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else. Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike.
The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.
As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat. Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them."
Mike loved kids-all kids-and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.
The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.
As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.
Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us."
- Author Unknown
'Twas the night before Christmas
by Dave Barry i
Or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever religious holiday your particular family unit celebrates at this time of year via mass retail purchases.
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except Dad, who was stirring his third martini
In a losing effort to remain in a holiday mood
As he attempted to assemble a toy for his 9-year-old son, Bobby.
It was a highly complex toy
A toy that Dad did not even begin to grasp the purpose of
A toy that cost more than Dad's first car
A toy that was advertised relentlessly on TV with a little statement in the corner of the TV screen that said "SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED"
Which was like saying that the Titanic sustained "some water damage".
Because this toy had more parts than the Space Shuttle.
And speaking of space
Dad was now convinced that extraterrestrial life did indeed exist
Because the assembly instructions were clearly written by beings from another galaxy
And these beings insisted on Phillips screwdrivers.
And Dad could not find his Phillips screwdriver.
In fact, he was wondering who "Phillips" was
And why he needed a different kind of screwdriver than everybody else.
That was the festive holiday thought that Dad was thinking as he took a slug from his martini and attempted to attach Part 3047-b to Part 3047-c.
Using a steak knife.
But other than that, not a creature was stirring in the house
Although Mom was definitely stirring OUT of the house.
Mom was at
the Toys 'R' Us store
In fact, this was the fifth Toys 'R' Us store that Mom had been to that night
In her desperate quest to find the one thing that their 5-year-old daughter, Suzy, wanted this holiday season.
It was, of course, a Barbie doll,
But not just ANY Barbie doll,
It had to be the new model.
Abdominals Barbie.
The one who came with her own little pink stomach-muscle-exercise device
It was the hottest Barbie doll of all this holiday season
Every girl age 3 through 12 in the entire United States HAD to have it
Or her holiday season would be RUINED.
And so of course the Mattel Corporation,
Which is run by evil trolls from hell
Had manufactured exactly eight units of this doll
And the very last one in the world was in this particular Toys 'R' Us
Which means that the odds were against Mom.
Because on this same festive night
Thousands of other frantic parents had converged on this same store
Kind of like the flesh-eating zombies in the movie Night of the Living Dead.
Only less ethical.
The store was a war zone
Mom had to fight her way into the doll aisle
Where, wielding a Tonka Truck like a club
She claimed her prize
And then, trailed by a screaming mob of rival parents
She raced from the store, leaped into her car and roared out of the parking lot
Barely missing the Salvation Army person.
She raced back to the house, burst through the front door and staggered into the family room.
Where she found Dad.
Actually she found Dad's feet.
The rest of Dad was under the sofa
A strange gurgling sound was coming from down there
Dad, now on his fifth martini
Was trying to strangle the dog
Which, Dad was convinced, had eaten Part 8675-y.
And just at that very moment
Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
That Dad let go of the dog
And he and Mom went to the window to see what was the matter.
And what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Santa Claus, yelling the names of reindeer
"Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Vixen! Now . . . Umm . . . Now . . . Dancer!"
"He already said Dancer," observed Dad
"He can't remember them all," said Mom
"I think one of them is Pluto," said Dad
"Wasn't Pluto the guy who was always fighting with Popeye?" said Mom
"You're thinking of Bluto," said Dad
"Now . . . Umm . . . Now Flicka!" said Santa
"Flicka was a horse, that I DO know," said Mom
"Do you think the reindeer are wrecking the lawn?" said Dad
"They're going up on the roof," said Mom
"Like hell they are," said Dad, who had recently spent $875 on shingle repair.
But before he could yell at St. Nicholas to stop
Down the chimney the jolly elf came with a plop
He had a broad face and a round little belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly
Which was pretty gross
"What's so funny?" asked Dad
"You two," said St. Nick. "Why are you getting all upset about toys? The holiday season isn't about material possessions!"
"Do you have kids?" asked Mom
"Well, no," said Santa
"Hah," said Mom.
"But I am beloved by children the world over," said Santa
"Well," said Dad, "you won't be beloved by our son if I can't assemble this toy"
"What seems to be the problem?" said Santa, coming over to have a look
"I'm stuck on Step 824," said Dad
"Who wrote these instructions?" asked Santa. "Martians?"
"Apparently," said Dad
"I used to be pretty good with tools," said Santa. "Hand me that steak knife."
"Sure," said Dad. "Care for a martini?"
"Heck yes," said Santa
And so he went to work
And after a while Mom and Dad, exhausted, went to bed
Leaving old St. Nick in the family room
He said some pretty unsaintly words
But he eventually got Bobby's toy assembled.
And although he spent so much time that he was unable to visit the rest of the little boys and girls in North America
Not to mention South America, Europe, Asia and Africa
This particular household had a very happy Christmas morning indeed
When Suzy came downstairs and saw Abdominals Barbie
And Bobby came downstairs and saw his incredibly complex toy
Which he broke in under four minutes.
A new holiday record.
But it was still a festive day Especially when Mom and Dad told the fantastic story of their late-night visitor
Which, at first, the kids did not believe.
In fact, even Mom and Dad were not 100 percent sure it had happened.
Until Dad got out the ladder And one by one they climbed up to the roof.
And there they saw it . . .
As real as life . . .
A Holiday Miracle . . .
Reindeer poop.
(And $1,097.36 worth of shingle damage.)
(Published Sunday, December 1, 1996, in the Miami Herald)
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS...SOLITUDE
© Cathy Goodwin
Single people, especially those new to a community, experience a unique social challenge as holidays approach, Holiday conversation dies when we enter the room. Hovering in the air is not only mistletoe but also the unspoken question, "Must I invite this person over for holiday dinner?"
When I literally wrote the book on moving (Making the Big Move: How to transform relocation into a Creative Life Transition, New Harbinger 1999), I included a chapter on special needs of the newly-moved single person. Everyone I interviewed agreed: Skip the invitations: we'll get our own life.
Most adults, even if they're single, have calendars. They know a holiday is coming. Their major issue is not, "How will I get through a holiday alone?" It's, "What do I tell the friends and relatives who call to see if I'm OK?"
Not everybody enjoys holidays with family their own or anybody else's. Some have memories of the mom who refereed the family fights, the cousin who had to sleep it off on the sofa and the black sheep uncle who timed his phone calls for dinner time so he wouldn't have a lot of explaining to do. When assured of anonymity, people told me how they really spend a solitary holiday: "Put on an old pair of sweats and get some writing done;" "Order Chinese food and watch video." "Take the dog and head for the woods."
Visiting strangers can be exhausting. Men get off easier. They watch football in the living room, drinking beer, with conversation limited to cuss words, cheers and boos.
For single women, holidays mean always having to say, "Do you need help in the kitchen?" Never mind that, for the rest of the year, our dinners move directly from microwave to paper plate. Female guests also join kitchen conversations about childbirth, menopause and/or the latest deep-rooted medical exam.
I have learned -- the hard way -- that it is considered gross to respond with a story about your dog's irregular digestive system or the time your cat got liver disease and had to be fed through a tube.
True, a very young person may be grateful for an invitation. My friend Sharon still remembers her first Thanksgiving in San Francisco, twenty years ago, when she was alone with a frozen burrito and no credit cards.
But those who can afford a catered meal or a plane ticket are home alone by choice. They wince at invitations to "Come join the other waifs and strays," or, "We're having so many people we won't notice an extra." However, it is still appropriate to send a funny card, extend holiday greetings, or even ask, "What are you doing for the holidays?" I've been especially honored by people who said, "I would enjoy having you over but I will understand if you say no," and they do.
We'll be truly liberated when we can answer openly, "I am spending the day at the dog park," or, "I'm going to disappear into my recliner with the new Dick Francis and a bowl of organic popcorn." These are not ways of coping with loneliness but of celebrating solitude and honoring the way we have chosen to construct our lives.
And the would-be hosts might find themselves responding, "Gee, I wish I could join you, if I didn't have all those darn relatives coming over"
Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, coach and speaker who focuses on using intuition to move to career freedom. Her website is
http://www.movinglady.com . To receive her free ezine, send an email to
subscribe@movinglady.com.
The Pagan Origins of Christmas
By Royce Carlson
Most of our Christmas traditions began hundreds of years before Christ was born. Some of these traditions date back more than 4000 years. The addition of Christ to the celebration of the winter solstice did not occur until 300 years after Christ died. As late as 1800, some devout Christian sects, like the Puritans, forbade their members from celebrating Christmas because it was a pagan holiday. So what is the history behind these traditions?
The Christmas tree is derived from several solstice traditions. The Romans decked their halls with garlands of laurel and placed candles in live trees to decorate for the celebration of Saturnalia. In Scandinavia, they hung apples from evergreen trees at the winder solstice to remind themselves that spring and summer will come again. The evergreen tree was the special plant of their sun god, Baldor.
The practice of exchanging gifts at a winter celebration is also pre-Christian and is from the Roman Saturnalia. They would exchange good-luck gifts called Stenae (lucky fruits). They also would have a big feast just like we do today.
Mistletoe is from an ancient Druid custom at the winter solstice. Mistletoe was considered a divine plant and it symbolized love and peace. The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe is Druid in origin.
The Scandinavian solstice traditions had a lot of influences on our celebration besides the hanging of ornaments on evergreen trees. Their ancient festival was called Yuletide and celebrated the return of the sun. One of their traditions was the Yule log. The log was the center of the trunk of a tree that was dragged to a large fireplace where it was supposed to burn for twelve days. From this comes the twelve days of Christmas.
Even the date of Christmas, December 25, was borrowed from another religion. At the time Christmas was created in AD 320, Mithraism was very popular. The early Christian church had gotten tired of their futile efforts to stop people celebrating the solstice and the birthday of Mithras, the Persian sun god. Mithras’ birthday was December 25. So the pope at the time decided to make Jesus’ official birthday coincide with Mithras’ birthday. No one knows what time of year Jesus was actually born but there is evidence to suggest that it was in midsummer. Until that fateful day in 320 AD, the church maintained that the celebration of birthdays, even Christ’s, was a pagan practice.
So, if you are celebrating any of the western traditions of Christmas this year, remember that you are actually enjoying the rituals and activities of several ancient religions that have been co-opted by the Christian church. And what about Easter? What do bunnies and eggs have to do with Christ? Well, that’s another story to be told about four months from now!
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A Spiritual Approach to Holiday Blues
by Judy Marshall
For most American adults, the period from Thanksgiving though New Years is a difficult time. We seem to be plunged into a virtual reality somewhere between a carnival and a nightmare. The streets and the malls are filled with lights, holiday melodies, and glittery ornaments. We are deluged by special pageants and programs, an excess of food and drink. The holiday frenzy, like the gifts we exchange, is beautifully packaged -- with the appearance of merriment and good cheer for all to partake.
Yet, for almost everyone, the holidays create mixed, contradictory and ambivalent reactions. Many of us experience some degree of distress -- from low-level tension or irritability to sadness and depression. The most central issue in "holiday blues" is our internal expectations of what should be, but is not. This usually revolves around family and relationships. From the time we are young children, the Norman Rockwell scenario of loved ones together at holiday time is imprinted upon our brains. We measure our personal situations against what we are told or imagine should be the ideal, and may come up wanting.
If we have no family, if we have a dysfunctional family, or if we have lost family members, the lack is striking, and often painful. Paradoxically, being with family can also result in intense crisis, even feelings of alienation, as the holidays can bring out the worst in family patterns and underscores the poignant absence of those no longer in our lives. Even people, who are not challenged by isolation, loss, or significant family difficulties, often find that the holidays fall short of expectations. The schedule was just too hectic, things did not go right in some way, the adrenalin rush was followed by too painful an emotional letdown, and just too much money was spent, often with absolutely no one seeming to benefit in any meaningful way.
The holidays are a special time for everyone with unique external pressures and strong emotional reactions, often on the most gut, even unconscious levels. There is a deeply psychological and spiritual meaning of the holiday season in our lives, which is often overlooked. In fact, we can cope better by understanding the importance of the holidays for both psychological and spiritual growth.
People need holidays. Almost all societies have holidays of one sort or another -- these are often extended, grand celebrations involving nonsensical rituals to usher in or mark occasions and turning points. In modern America, the holiday season is really our yearly extended New Year festival, bridging one chronological year to the next.
Rituals and celebrations serve an important psychological purpose. Our holidays are not just archaic leftovers from a less civilized era or simply a time for vacation or gluttony or getting together with those we love. The holidays take us from one period of our lives to the next psychologically, and they confront us with spiritual and philosophical truths and ideals. What they should do is help us, as individuals, evaluate where we are in our lives, what is ultimately meaningful, and where we want to go. New Year's celebrations, such as our holiday time, should end with a sense of affirmation and renewal -- although the psychological journey involved can be bittersweet and sometimes painful.
The holidays are a time of personal journey and affirmation of meaning. Now, we all go on this inward journey, but we do a lot of the deep psychological processing unconsciously. As the normal world winds down and the holiday rituals rev up -- for the individual, there is an emotional, sometimes spiritual pull to the deepest levels of memory and feeling. It is very hard to escape the holidays, and it is not only the decorations and the reindeer elevator music. There is a sense of solitary quiet and spiritual retreat underneath the fanfare. We have this extended period of "down time," when the task-oriented aspects of the world seem to go on automatic pilot.
It is human nature in this kind of environment to turn inward to some degree and get "emotional," attend to the feeling instead of the doing side of things. Of course, feelings can be positive or negative, and are often mixed or contradictory. With negative feelings, in particular, we can also get carried away in a gloomy snowballing effect, which keeps feeding on itself. We can end up in a rather despairing place, once this begins.
It is important to remember that we are drawn inward to a deep emotional place, even when we are busy and caught up in the holiday madness. The busyness of the holidays is very emotionally laden. It is about family, pleasing others, memories and loss -- like when you pull out Grandma's Christmas cookie recipe. There is always an undercurrent of "in the gut" emotionality, which comes from and connects us to a place deep
within, no matter how many gifts we have to wrap, dishes to cook, parties to go to, or relatives to meet at the airport.
The reflection and internal processing that goes on during the holidays is serious and bittersweet, no matter what our circumstances. One of the background themes is that life is, above all, changing and ephemeral. During our modern American holidays we essentially are killing off and mourning the old year. But, we are not just abstractly putting to rest "that year that was." We are putting to rest OUR year that was. And, we are doing this in the context of another year of our lives gone.
So, it makes sense that, on some often subtle level, all of us are going to experience a little bit of existential anxiety, evaluate what we did or did not do over the past year, and be confronted with areas where we come up lacking, those aspects of our lives where there is a discrepancy between where we want to be and where we are. It is also not just about career goals and lifestyle resolutions, -- the holidays pull us to that emotional and philosophical space deep within. Where do we find meaning? What is really important? Where do we find and express love? Where are we in terms of connections to others or to something larger than ourselves? These are generally the more painful, sometimes frightening areas to deal with and more difficult to be honest about or to control.
Now there are some people who find genuine joy during the holidays. This does not mean that they do not feel the bittersweet feelings or that they do not travel the internal re-assessment, re-affirmation journey that we all go through. In fact, most people probably feel a mixture of positive and negative emotions at this time. The difference is that some people are able to fairly readily access and depend on what is genuinely meaningful in their lives, and thus the joyful feelings predominate. Perhaps, they are extremely lucky in their family situations. Not that the family is simply intact or loving, but they are able to communicate in a emotionally meaningful way and do not get bogged down in comparisons with others or trying to meet unrealistic expectations.
Or, those who are joyful often have a deeply religious or spiritual perspective that provides a framework of meaning that anchors and carries them during this time. The deeply spiritual person sees himself as connected to something larger, benevolent, even glorious. The personal journey of re-birth is perceived as a celebration of thankfulness and joyful sharing as "light" and new life and fresh beginnings, which are the themes that we celebrate in our rituals during this time, are the ultimate gifts of God and the Universe.
Of course, a truly spiritual perspective is achieved only through an enduring commitment to certain beliefs and values -- many of which are ignored and even scorned by the mainstream culture. Still, it makes sense that those who have strong spiritual convictions would seem to benefit at this time, when all of us are pulled to that deep place within and confronted, at least subtly, with basic philosophical questions about our lives.
This is the spiritual time of the year for everyone -- whatever that means or does not mean to us. To the degree that we have spiritual feelings -- not religious, but that uniquely personal spiritual understanding -- this can really help in coping with and making the most out of the this time of year. Unfortunately, the spiritual aspects of the holidays have been increasingly de-emphasized in recent decades.
There are certain things we can do to try to hold onto a positive and more spiritual perspective. There are many definitions of spirituality these days, but a kind of generic understanding of spirituality is that it is how an individual finds a unique, nurturing, deeply emotional connection with something greater than themselves. Where we find meaning in our lives will vary from person to person. However, almost always, we find meaning in a genuine connection with something outside ourselves. Typical avenues of meaning can be found through genuine connection with other people, a sense of tradition, art, and nature as well as more formal spiritual practice. Spending fun time with children can be particularly rewarding during the holidays and forces us to reach beyond ourselves. Altruistic work can involve real connection with those who are needier and is powerful and uplifting.
Finally, the more we can re-frame and re-direct our emotions in terms of a sense of spiritual connection -- again, whatever that means for us -- the more likely we will feel affirmed and validated instead of distressed and distraught during the holidays.
The Holidays: Family Time
by Candida Bohnne-Eittreim
Instead of accenting the excessive materialism of seasons past, this might be a good time to focus more on sharing, loving and cherishing each other.
Crisp crunchy apples, falling leaves, a chill in the air, all remind us the Holidays are here. This year, the season will be very much different from anything else we’ve known. So very much of the world we’ve known, and taken for granted has changed. But this doesn’t mean that life can’t go on. It can and should, but in new, richer, maybe more profound ways.
This is a good time to reflect on your family’s values, and look for ways to create a deeper, richer bond with your children. Instead of accenting the excessive materialism of seasons past, this might be a good time to focus more on sharing, loving and cherishing each other. I know many families, who are for the first time, reaching out at home and overseas to help make a difference in other lives. How wonderful for children to be a part of the global village we live in. Many, for the first time in their lives, are thinking of what someone else’s wants and needs are, before their own. If you haven’t done so, encourage your child to donate time and money to some worthy effort.
Another change is to have one or 2 nights a week set aside for family games. No phone, no T.V. Just time together. If games aren’t your family’s thing, try having a reading hour instead. Have everyone agree on a book, and have Dad or Mom read one or 2 chapters a week. Get the children involved in baking and decorating. Take a trip to cut your Christmas tree, if you’re lucky enough to have Christmas tree farms within driving distance. Pack a picnic basket and make a full day of it. Make Christmas about “us” instead of things. We have an opportunity here to turn things around and become closer than ever before.
When buying gifts for your children, try choosing more hands on toys. Lincoln Logs, Knex, Lego’s and other creative toys are much better at allowing children to express hurt and frustration. Younger children may need the extra stuffed toy right now. Boys included. Paints, clay and other art related projects are wonderful ways to allow your children's creativity to shine. Set up a special area to display their works of art. Buy inexpensive frames and mats to show off their “best” of the best works.
During the Thanksgiving holiday, stress the positive and good things in life. Make it a point to find something miraculous every day for you to share with them. Children have had their sense of security badly shaken. I’ve said this before: We must help them find positive things to hang onto and the most positive thing of all is family.
If your family, pre-September 11th was on a run, run, run schedule, rarely seeing each other, change that now. Our kids need strong, deep family ties. Love them, value and cherish them. Tell them “thank you for being my child” You are my Thanksgiving.
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