In this issue:

1) Welcome letter by Dream Walker
2) Love, Friendship, and Abuse by Betty Hostetler-Nicol
3) The Shame of Toxic Shame by John Bradshaw
4) Natural Household Remedies by Pat Valle
5) BLOW AWAY THE DEAD STUFF by Sharon Dalton Williams
6) MOVING FORWARD by Sheri Bardo

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Welcome Letter
by Dream Walker

Yá'át'ééh and welcome to all of you, especially the new subscribers. I hope that you find what you are looking for , and stay with us a long time. I would also like to welcome my newest contributor, Better Hostetler-Nicol. Betty is an old friend of mine who finally agreed to write some articles for MousePages. I know that you will all enjoy, and be touched by the words of this wonderful woman.

It's rodeo week here in Tucson, Arizona. This is a huge deal here, children are actually given two days off from school for the rodeo and its parade. The parade is the longest, non-motorized parade in the country and the rodeo itself runs for five days. It brings thousands of visitors every year and the resulting money it brings to the economy is very important to our city leaders.

Which is unfortunate. I am very opposed to rodeos, as are many animal lovers. Animal rights activists protest this rodeo every year to no avail. Rodeos are not just the fun-loving modern way for cowboys to show off their skills anymore. They are big bucks events that promote animal cruelty as a spectator sport.

In the last century, cowboys rode wild horses in order to "break" them so that they could become tame, and be used by man. The horse bucked because it was not used to having anyone on its back, and it was trying to throw the cowboy off. Normal and natural. Today, in order to get a horse (and a steer, for that matter) to buck, a wide band is cinched up as tight as possible over the animal's testicles. Not natural, and very perverse. In the course of most rodeos, at least one animal, either horse or steer, will be severely injured, usually resulting it its being put down. All for show. All for money. I urge you to at least not go to rodeos and support this cruelty. 

I will be careful not to trip as I step down off of my soapbox.

The Indian way is to show respect for all living things. And since we believe that everything is alive, then we show respect for everything. When we killed animals, it was only so that we could live, and we did honor to that animal. We used every part of it, leaving nothing to waste because that would be disrespectful. Many cultures did a ceremony to cleanse after a hunt and to honor the spirit of the animals killed. We certainly would never injure or kill anything just for show or for so-called sport.

I send you blessings for the upcoming week. Remember, and old Navajo woman cares about you.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Love, Friendship, and Abuse
by Betty Hostetler-Nicol

Love takes many forms in our lives.
Love is like the wind, it can move so swiftly, yet gentle.
Love can be so pure, so refreshing like water.
Love is like the bright sun that never fails to rise.
Love can also be like the soft glow of the bright moon.
There will be clouds and stormy days, but through love all things will work out.

Loved ones and friends should be helping hands, not stepping stones.
They stand beside us, they may help push us forward, help us to be all that we can be. They never hold us back, but always walk beside us.
They will not always agree with us, but they allow us to say what we are feeling.
They encourage us, not discourage us.
They allow us to be who we are, not whom they think we should be.
They acknowledge but except our faults, weakness, but don't put us down because of them, but help us in them.
True love is loving ourselves first in order to love another. It's hard to give something away when we don't have it for ourselves.
Love can and may hurt in our hearts, but it never hurts in our bodies, or causes pain in our minds.. 
Love may leave holes in our hearts, but will be filled up again, as long as we allow it.
We may love someone that doesn't seem to love us; they may leave us for another.
We may lose someone in death.
To move on we need to grieve for a period of time, but to not live in grief. If we allow the grief to take over our lives too long, we've lost ourselves. We seem to end up in a deep, black hole, but there is a way out.
Prayer, turning to true friends, talking about it. Through that we find the strength and courage to go on.
We will always remember the love, sharing and all our memories.
Love is being honest with yourself and others.
We need to be and feel secure within ourselves, know who we are, in order to be ourselves with others.
Someone else can't make us feel complete, they only add to who we are. 
Love is knowing that each person needs time alone.
Love is freedom; free to be ourselves when we are with another.

A friend loves us for who we were, for who we are, and also who we will be.
A friend is someone who is there when we need them. They share in all things, in joy as well as sorrow.
A friend won't talk bad about us to others, they will only talk about the good, or say nothing at all.
With friends we can discuss all things that deals with what is upsetting us, and help us see things another way.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The Shame of Toxic Shame 
by John Bradshaw

Everyone needs a sense of shame but nobody needs to be ashamed. A natural sense of shame is when you are able to concede that you have made a mistake and that you will make mistakes. Healthy shame lets you know that you are not God. But another kind of shame – toxic shame – is different. People who are afflicted with it cannot be human. They try to be perfect. They can never make a mistake. 
Toxic shame produces rigid, blaming, righteous, moralistic, controlling people. Toxic shame fears exposure – I can’t ever let you see my flaws, so I will do my damnedest to control you so you will never catch me off guard. 

Another side of toxic shame will say, “If I can’t be human, I’m less than human. I’ll be a slob, incest my children, beat them up rage at them.” The polarities of the condition are all or nothing. 

When parents carry toxic shame, they have to cover it up. They feel that they are flawed and defective as human beings. They can’t live with that, so they have to develop false selves. The lie be a mask of perfection. In my family I was a star, superachiever. That was how I mastered and covered up my toxic shame. 

Toxic shame sends people into hiding. The book of Genesis talks about it. Adam and Eve cover themselves and hide because they are ashamed. People can’t be naked, so they cover up their nakedness, then act shame-less as if they don’t have flaws and defects. When parents act more or less than human to their children, the children are ashamed often for generations. 

The only way out of the shame is to embrace it. I had to go to a Twelve Step group and say I was an alcoholic, tell people what I was hiding for years. When I did that, they all came up and gave me their phone numbers. When I came out of hiding, I discovered who loved me for being just another stumbling human being. 

If to heal shame you have to embrace it, then you also have to break the “no talk” rules. Families have no rules. Mother would say, “If you have something unpleasant to say, go to your room.” In my family the saying was “Don’t hang your dirty laundry on the line.” It turns out that the way to come out of hiding is to talk about family secrets – not just to anyone of course, but in an appropriate context where people come together to share experience, strength and hope. 

Therapy can be useful, too. It’s a way to talk to another person about your deepest secrets, the things you’re most ashamed of. Therapists are taught to be nonjudgmental, but if a therapist hasn’t worked through their own shame, they may not be able to do the job as well as needed. There is no question that many therapists institutionalize their own shame and thereby get to control everybody. I did it myself for ten years, playing out my star-hero controlling role as a therapist. 

If you want to look for a therapist, look for one who understands the nature of shame. Daniel Goleman wrote in The New York Times: “Psychologists admittedly chagrined and a little embarrassed are belatedly focusing on shame. A prevalent and powerful emotion that somehow escaped rigorous examination until now.” 

Shame begets shame and is characterized by hiding, secrecy, and silence. Today more and more people are willing to look at what’s happening to them in their families. Somehow, they feel they never had permission to do that before. 

To have a friend whom you are willing to be rigorously honest with, and feel as bad as you feel with, and quit pretending with, is a way to begin to heal that inner-core of shame. Pretending to be good is dangerous. We need friends, because we’ve got to be real.

About the author:
John Bradshaw has been called "America's leading personal growth expert." The author of five New York Times bestsellers, Bradshaw On: The Family, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Homecoming, Creating Love, and Family Secrets, John's books have sold over four million copies in North America. John has lived everything he writes about. Born in Houston, Texas, into a troubled family, abandoned by his alcoholic father, he became a high academic achiever who was also an out-of-control teenager. During the past twenty-five years he has worked as a counselor, theologian, management consultant, and public speaker, becoming one of the primary figures in the contemporary self-help movement. For more information, go to 

http://www.johnbradshaw.com/  

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Natural Household Remedies
by Pat Valle

Do you want to avoid harsh chemicals or cleaning agents that may cause harmful illnesses or allergies to flare up or try a natural alternative without spending money on numerous products? Some of the tips I've gathered over the years have been passed down to me by my mother and friends. Others I've found while doing my research.

Air Freshener: To clean your pots and pans and refresh the air in your home, drop slices of oranges, lemons, limes or grapefruit into the pan. Cover with water and simmer for an hour. Not only will this clean the pans but leave a fragrant aroma in your home.

Room Deodorizer: Add a few drops of your favorite essential oil on a cotton ball and add to your vacuum cleaner bag. When you vacuum, the house will emit a wonderful scent.

Furniture Polish: Mix 1 TBS. of olive oil and 1 cup of fresh lemon juice in a small bowl and dip a cloth into the liquid and wring out. Use the cloth to polish and dust the furniture.

Remove Grease Stains from clothing: Apply coca cola directly to the grease spot. It will dissolve the grease fast.

Get rid of bugs: Add crushed bay leaves to cabinets to rid them of crawling insects and weevils.

Ant Repellent: Try using dish liquid on the trail of ants. They will soon leave your home. Another alternative is to sprinkle crushed dried catnip.

Moth Repellent: Use a few drops of cedarwood essential oil to the inside of closet doors or hang a bunch of sage to keep the moths away.

Laundry Cleaner: Add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of vinegar to your wash. This will remove dirt as well as odor.

Oven Cleaner: Sprinkle water on the bottom of the oven and put an even layer of baking soda on top of the water. Let sit overnight and wipe off with a clean damp cloth.

Remove Garlic Smell: Rub lemon, tomato or celery on your hands to remove the odor, or use a silver spoon and wash your hands with the spoon in your hand.

Alternative Ice Pack: Use a package of frozen vegetables for an alternative.

Pesticide-Free Fruits and Vegetables: Add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of raw cider vinegar to a pan of water. Soak the fruits or vegetables for at least 5 to 10 minutes. Rinse thoroughly. 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

BLOW AWAY THE DEAD STUFF
by Sharon Dalton Williams

Yesterday morning I was looking out of my office window at the
trees in my front yard. The trees were filled with brown,
shriveled, dead leaves. These leaves were once healthy and
green. They had turned brilliant colors under the fall sky. But
now they were old and dead.

The wind was blowing strong yesterday. As the wind hit the
trees, the dead leaves came flying off. It looked liked a leaf
shower. I could almost hear the trees laughing with glee that
the dead things hanging from their branches were finally flying
away. 

As I watched, the thought hit me that every once in a while, we
humans need to have a clean, refreshing wind blow through us to
blow off all those dead things - ideas, attitudes, mindsets -
that hang on us and weight us down.

What kinds of dead things are hanging off your branches?

Dead Thing #1 - I Can't Do This

Do you realize that you can accomplish anything you set your
mind to do? Your mind is a powerful instrument. If you believe
you can do something, your mind is a powerful catalyst toward
getting it done. Rather than sit on your couch and repeat over
and over, *I can't,* start saying out loud (yes, out loud), *I
can do this. I am able. Nothing is too hard for me.* Once you
say it enough, you'll come to believe it. Then watch out world!

Dead Thing #2 - I Don't Know How

The people who really are rocket scientists didn't know how to
build rockets until they learned. It's OK not to know how to do
something. The problem is when we let this attitude keep us from
attaining our goals. There are many resources on the Internet,
in your local library, on your town's college campus. Take
advantage of these resources and learn how to do what you need
to do.

Dead Thing #3 - I'm Stupid

My husband was told this very thing so often while he was
growing up, that eventually he came to believe it himself. Yes,
some of us are able to access more of our brain power than
others, but that doesn't mean that you are stupid. If you've
heard this through your life from others, or if you've been
telling yourself this, turn this around by repeating to yourself
often throughout the day, *I have the power to learn. I will
learn. Nothing can stop me.* It may take you longer than some to
reach your goal, but you will get there.

Dead Thing #4 - It Will Never Happen for Me

Hogwash! If you keep repeating to yourself that nothing good
will happen to you, then, of course, nothing will. Just like
when taking a picture with your camera, what you focus on,
develops in your life. There is nothing different between you
and the successful person. You can learn to be successful.
Success is more of an attitude than a state of being. Get up
every morning and say, *Something good is going to happen to me
today.* Look for those opportunities that sneak by and jump on
them. Be determined. If it happens for someone else, it can
happen for you.

Dead Thing #5 - I Have Nothing to Offer

You don't have to be a world-famous, multi-degreed person to be
of help to someone else. Each one of us has experiences in our
lives that we have come through. There is always someone who is
still in the middle of that same experience. Share what you have
learned. Let others know what did and did not work for you in
that circumstance. You'll be surprised at just how many people
want to hear how you've overcome. Your down-to-earth practical
counsel based on experience is worth more educated supposition. 

If any of these dead things have been hanging around on your
branches, it's time to blow them off! You can change the way you
thing, how you look at life, and your attitude. It may take some
time, but it's well worth the effort.

See, don't you feel lighter already?


About the author:
Sharon Dalton Williams is the author of "How to Succeed and Live
a Full Life." Learn how to reach the goals you have set for your
life and business. Surf to http://www.sdwassociates.com  to order
your copy. Learn how to use what is uniquely you in building
your business. Subscribe to *Out From the Crowd
mailto:oftc-subscribe@topica.com. 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

MOVING FORWARD
by Sheri Bardo 

"A person only begins to become the person he wants to be when 
he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the 
hidden justice which regulates his life." 


I had to look up the meaning of the word revile because I've 
never seen it used. It means to condemn, despise, berate. I 
didn't have to look up the meaning of the word whine - in fact 
I'm sure some of my friends have sometimes wanted to ask me if I 
"wanted some cheese with that whine?" 

When we whine and revile we give power to that which we revile 
and whine about. We cease to be in charge of our life. I love 
the way that Wayne Dyer describes it in "You'll See It When You 
Believe It." He says, "I no longer view the world in terms of 
unfortunate accidents or misfortunes. I know in my being that I 
influence it all, and now find myself considering why I created 
a situation, rather than saying, "why me?" This heightened 
awareness directs me to look inside of myself for answers. I 
take responsibility for all of it, and the interesting puzzle 
becomes a fascinating challenge when I decide to influence areas 
of my life in which I previously believed I was not in control. 
I now feel that I control it all." 

One of my favored quotes on this subject is from George Bernard 
Shaw. "People are always blaming their circumstances for what 
they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get 
on in the world are the people who get up and look for the 
circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make 
them." 

So how do we develop the necessary character to make our 
circumstances instead of allowing our circumstances to make us? 
Emmet Fox tells us that "you can build any quality into your 
mentality by meditating upon that quality every day. If you seem 
to yourself to be lacking in certain necessary qualities, if 
your character seems to lack strength, ask God to give you what 
you need - and He will. When we get in touch with our Authentic 
or True Self, we will find we already posses everything we need 
to be everything we aspire to be. 

And that's worth thinking about. 

In Postscript to this we have a saying out west "COWBOY (or 
COWGIRL) UP" For me that means, "get over it and get on with 
your life! Its time to move into our true Purpose and leave the 
past behind. 

About the author: 
I am a Life Coach. I have a background in business, sales, 
public relations, and spiritual counseling. I own and operate 
Authentically You Retreats and Life Coaching . My Life Purpose 
is to live a life of Authenticity, Spiritual Truth, Abundance, 
Creativity and Celebration of all life's possibilities. I 
believe there is greatness in each individual and my joy is to 
take others on the adventure of finding their own greatness 
http://www.authenticallyu.com  

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=