HOMEIssue 69
| <--><--><--><--><--><--> In this issue: 1) Welcome Letter by Dream Walker 2) Balance Heart & Mind by Betty Hostetler-Nicol 3) Spirituality in Every Day Life by John Bradshaw 4) Natural Remedies for Children by Pat Valle 5) The Value of Things by Don D. Pagan <--><--><--><--><--><--> Welcome Letter by Dream Walker Yá'át'ééh, and welcome to the new subscribers. I hope that you will find something of value here, and stay with us a long time. Did you miss MousePages last week? The site that I send this out through got hacked into a week and a half ago, and they shut the site down until they had checked everything and put up new security. That was the first time in almost 2 years that MousePages did not go out on schedule. It taught me a valuable lesson! I had not downloaded my subscriber list, so I couldn't do a thing. I have learned that lesson well! I now have all the subscribers safely tucked away on my hard drive, and I am looking into buying software that will allow me to send out my newsletters without going through a site. Lessons, lessons, lessons.... they pop up when we least expect them, and usually in the most unpleasant ways. But the universe always gives us a way to handle them if we can only see it. The tools are always there! In one week, I have gone from my usual, happy (if oblivious) life, to having a personal spiritual coach, to receiving some very startling and important messages from Spirit (via a very gifted healer that I know), to seeing that I must embark on a path that is much deeper into the Old Ways of my ancestors. It is sort of scary, very mind-boggling, but deep down, it just feels right. Too many signs have been put in my path this week for me to ignore. The trick to all of this is faith. Faith in myself, faith in the universe... faith that what feels right IS right. One must never allow fear to keep them from their destiny. In the book Dune, Frank Herbert writes that fear is "the little death" and this, I believe. Too many years I wasted living in fear of the unknown. Never can I get them back. For years I have had a sign that I printed out on my computer... it reads, "leap... and the net will appear." A Zen saying, I have tried to remember this always. If you are drawn to make a big change in your life, if that change feels good and where you are now does not, then I encourage you to leap. See the signs, hear the messages, have faith and do not let fear run your life. Remember: For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: "It might have been!" -John Greenleaf Whittier And also, always remember that an old Navajo lady cares about you. <--><--><--><--><--><--> Balance Heart & Mind by Betty Hostetler-Nicol To find the balance by someone that has come from an abusive past is not easy, it's something that I've struggled with, but learned and done I wanted to share with others. I now realize that when I learned what real love truly is, and stopped loving from my mind, or loving from my heart, but learned to find the balance of the two, that my life changed completely. I always loved from my mind, thinking or believing that I knew what love was. Or loving from my heart, with my feelings. Both lead to pain and heartbreak. I always seemed to allow things and thoughts, from the past to get in the way. I sort of went with what society, and people seemed to believe what was right, or should be. I realized that as long as I allowed people in my life to treat me the way they always have, nothing would change. Family or friends does not give anyone the right to abuse in any way. I came to realize that they would never stop, or change, as I was allowing it to continue it had to be me that changed it. I refused all contact with them for a while, even when I would feel myself weakening, because they were family and friends, and that makes it very hard. They have started being in contact with me again, and it's different. They don't understand why I don't get upset, or hurt anymore. But I broke the control that they had over my life and me. Forgiveness breaks the control. Forgiveness is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Only you can do this, it can not come through or from others. People can make us feel guilty, they say things, how they feel about us, or how they believe we should be, or what we should do, then we start feeling guilty. If you feel that you are responsible for something that has happened in another's life, that becomes guilt within your own self. That guilt can be transferred through your thoughts, and actions towards them. For instance, it could be how you were treated as a child. It may not manifest itself in our lives until much later. It could also be how a child of yours becomes, they may blame you for how their life is. They may make you feel that you should have/could have done it differently. They may try to blame you for how they end up, although they become responsible for their own live. But it starts with forgiving yourself first. Once you have forgiven yourself of all actions and thoughts towards yourself, only then do you know how it feels. Once you experience it you can forgive all others, not only those that have hurt you, but those you have hurt. Forgiveness for yourself will set free you, you can then learn to love yourself, (all of you), and then can learn to forgive and love others. Through forgiveness, others lose the ability to hurt you. Forgiveness is not given to set others free, but to free you. Once you truly forgive, there is a freedom, a peace inside of you. It changes your life, and you see those people differently. Even if they are no longer alive, it still sets you free and changes your life. By freeing my mind and heart from all that has happened to me, made it easier to heal, and move on with my life. It's not an easy thing to do, and does take time, but can start whenever thoughts of them or what they have done or say to you, pop into your mind. I found myself instead of feeling hurt, or pain, to sadness, but then a freedom. I started by sending loving thoughts towards them. That doesn't mean that you have to love them or how they have treated you, but love their spirit, who they really are, not who they show you they are. This releases the hold they have on you. You know that you have truly forgiven when you think of those that have hurt you in the past, but those thoughts or memories no longer hurts you today. When you forgive, you become free and it allows you to heal. The freedom allows you to be true to yourself, and then your spirit can soar with truth and love. Forgiveness makes you whole. Remember there are lessons in all things, we need to learn the lesson, and move on. <--><--><--><--><--><--> Spirituality in Every Day Life by John Bradshaw Recovery is about an awakening. We are literally awakened from a restless sleep that has numbed our feelings and left us emotionally and spiritually groggy and exhausted. This awakening begins with the eye-opening experience and recognition of our powerless ness – with recognition of our limitations and our need for help – with hard work of transforming our toxic shame into healthy shame. It is this healthy shame that is the source of our spirituality. For many of you this awakening began in earnest in a treatment center or program. The important work you have done is about freeing you from the bondage of the past. This bondage literally drags us out of the present. This bondage also drags us of the present. It distorts our perceptions. It blocks our feelings and keeps us constantly in fear of exposure. All of this operates to prevent us from recognizing one of our most important human limitations, which is simply that we exist only in the now, from moment to moment. In the mystified and trance-like state in which we live before recovery, we could not be present in the moment, for each moment “now” was full of “then.” Whether it was listening, observing, talking, or in any of the ways we experienced life, we simply were not there. And do the quality of our life was diminished. I look at old photos of family outings and realize that much of the time I was not there. I cannot ever have these moments back again. They are gone. I missed them, and I am sad and angry about that. I don’t want to miss any more of my life. It seems frequently that our lives are made up of a series of events taken individually appear insignificant. In the grandiosity of toxic shame, we discount and dismiss these events without realizing that no matter what successes or failure occur to us, these will continue to be the core of our existence. Gandhi said, “Almost everything we do is insignificant, but it is very important that we do it.” To be awake and fully conscious is to recognize that everything from washing the dishes to locking up the house at night is important and demands to our attention. The move from toxic shame to healthy shame enlarges our opportunities for recognizing the significance of the insignificant. So, in my view, spirituality is a style of life, which is rooted in a moment-to-moment awareness and appreciation of all events in our lives and must, of necessity, be an everyday affair. Some of us have difficulty accepting ourselves unless we are praying or in are in church. We only associate spirituality with religion and its happenings. This idea, while a hindrance to acceptance of ourselves as spiritual, is only part of the problem. Toxic shame, like a brooding omnipresence in our souls, is always there to remind us that we are unworthy and spiritual is a far too lofty state for us to achieve. With its customary deceit, shame urges us to deny our humanness by denying its spiritual quality. To be human is to be spiritual and to accept this is a part of healthy shame. We need to recognize that spirituality is not at odds with the “terrible dailyness” and need to be grandiose in its ceremonials. The soul benefits most when its spiritual life is performed in the context of favors – ordinary vernacular life. It grows and blossoms in the mundane and is found and nurtured in the smallest of daily activities. Spirituality is living each moment of life more abundantly. It is honoring our values in our simplest acts. Spirituality is being present in our feelings. It is being more conscious and more aware of the connection of ourselves to others and all things. Spirituality is what enables us to turn an ugly loneliness into peaceful solitude. None of these remarks are intended to discount prayer and our relationship to our Higher Power as a principle source of spirituality. Turning to this Higher Power on a daily basis is a bottomless well of spiritual sustenance. Other techniques such as meditation and service in our program deepen and enriches us by giving us a way to pass on spiritual awakening to others. I have the image of a group of sleeping children about to embark on a holiday. One of them awakens and with excitement and energy rushes to the others urging them to “wake up, it’s time to go!” All of us who come out of kidding need to bring the light to others with the same joy and enthusiasm. A brief word of caution. There are certain qualities which are antagonistic and destructive of our striving to achieve a soulful spirituality. Rigidity, moralism, and authoritarianism are some of these. They are to be avoided like the plague for they are harsh and arrogantly insist on absolute standards and perfectionism. They destroy the gentleness and serenity out of which spirituality flows. If I were to make a list of the promises of recovery, a deepening spirituality would rank high. It is the fruit of all our labor. Recovery takes great courage and involves great risk if it is to be successful. To come out of hiding and embrace our shame is no easy thing to do. Those of you who went through a program know well the pain and agony of this experience. The payoff for such tremendous acts of courage should be great. I believe it is. John Bradshaw is a well-known counselor, lecturer, and author. His site is at: http://www.johnbradshaw.com/ <--><--><--><--><--><--> Natural Remedies for Children by Pat Valle Children usually have a very strong immune system during infancy. By introducing nutritious foods as they get older their immune systems grow even stronger. Unfortunately, parents allow their children to eat junk foods which directly affects their ability to focus and concentrate as they approach school age. Many of these children end up hyperactive due to junk food and too much sugar in their diets. By replacing these foods with a wholesome diet, these children develop a much stronger immune system which acts as a defense against disease. One way of helping children adjust to a healthier diet is to allow them to prepare their own foods using fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Check with a bookstore or your library for books on simple recipes that children can easily follow. Herbs that help with childhood illnesses can be very effective. If your child has an upset stomach, you can use peppermint, ginger or fennel tea to soothe the upset. Echinacea can help by cleansing the lymph glands and root out infective agents. This herb can be purchased as a tea or a liquid extract especially for children. If you child has a rash, an oatmeal bath helps neutralize the itching and burning. Use an old cotton sock or pantyhose and fill with raw oats. Tie it together with a string and hang over the faucet while the bathtub is filling. The sock can also be squeezed to allow the contents to disperse evenly in the water. Never use oatmeal directly in the water as it may clog the drain. If your child has a cold with chest congestion, use eucalyptus or tea tree oil in a vaporizer or humidifier. This will aid in helping to keep the lungs clear of mucous and enable the child to breathe easier. If your child has asthma, eliminate all dairy products which produce mucous. The mineral magnesium can be introduced at the onset of wheezing of an asthma attack. This mineral has a bronchodilating effect. If your child needs to be on antibiotics for an infection, try using acidophilus cultures because they keep the friendly bacteria in the G.I. tract. This method helps to prevent diarrhea and improves recovery and protects the immune system. Children often fall and bruise themselves so I would suggest applying a cold compress immediately and leaving it on for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Give the child vitamin C with bioflavonoids and a homeopathic remedy Arnica 30X or 9C to ease the pain and prevent the bruise from becoming larger. Arnica also comes in a cream, ointment and gel and can be applied directly to the bruised area if there are no open wounds or cuts. Hylands Homeopathic offers a first aid kit especially for children. It contains all-purpose safe and gentle remedies. Tea tree oil should also be a part of a medicine chest for the child. It ahs antibacterial and anti-fungal properties and can be used for insect bites, stings, ringworm and also for a safe treatment for lice infestation. Never give a child aspirin for any reason. It has been linked to Reyes' Syndrome, a dangerous disease affecting a child's liver. Never give honey to a child less than a year old as it has been linked to botulism. And, always consult with a doctor if there is no improvement of symptoms. One book I highly recommend reading is "Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child" by Janet Zand. <--><--><--><--><--><--> The Value of Things by Don D. Pagan "What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything it's value." ---Thomas Paine Sooner or later in everyone's Life, comes a day when we must strike a bargain with Life. We must lay out the parameters of our hopes, desires and expectations. Few of us ever note that particular day with a red marking pen on a calendar. Few of us can recall the exact day we made the bargain but make it we do, consciously or unconsciously. That is the day we make the transitions from childhood to adulthood. We agree to assume the responsibilities of an adult, and to cut the apron strings that had heretofore allowed us a free ride while our parents paid the bills and fed and clothed and educated us. The bargaining has not so much to do with how we choose to earn our living, as it does how much hard work and effort we agree to apply to gain that standard of living we have set as a minimum acceptable level. We don't always choose that level of affluent living or poverty our parents introduced us to. Quite often we go in the exact opposite direction. The kid raised in the suburban split level luxury home may decide he doesn't care to work as hard as his father and mother did to maintain that permanent Life style. The kid raised in the slums may look at Life and bargain to "the good Life" of affluence, no matter how much hard work it entails. I think it all depends on how you see yourself. If you have a healthy sense of self worth, then odds are you will opt for a higher than average Lifestyle. But a high self esteem does not just happen. It must be cultivated by accomplishment and brought to the surface of your consciousness through honest praise from those you respect. As the twig is bent --. Just for fun, take a reflective few moments to think of friends and acquaintances you've come to know well enough to have visited in their homes. Does it not hold true that the ones who lived graciously in fine homes were the ones who had a higher than average sense of self esteem? Not many of us were stars in our high school years -- honor students, sports champions, class officers, leads in the school plays, etc. Those who were, had a bit of a head start on the rest of us, at least in the self esteem department. But that doesn't mean the rest of us will necessarily go through Life doubting his or her worth. In Life there are many plateaus; many hills and valleys. Some of us reach the ripe old age of 30 or 40 or older before we really begin to realize we were always a lot smarter than we had ever imagined. And so, if you wish to know the self esteem quotient of yourself or your friends, take a look at your own Lifestyle, or theirs. It will help you make a mid-Life determination of who you are, who you've been, and who you are becoming. If you like what you see in your own Life, good. Keep right on trying. If not, then it may be time to make some adjustments in your thinking. The best thing about this proposition of making a bargain with Life is that Life is always willing to renegotiate your original bargain. It is never too late to strike a new deal. If you are willing to start paying more, Life is more than willing to start supplying you with more of what you want from it. I bargained with Life for a penny and Life would pay no more; However I begged at evening when I counted my scanty store. For Life is a just employer; he gives you what you ask, but once you have set the wages, why, then you must bear the task. I worked for a menial's hire, only to learn, dismayed, that any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have gladly paid. --- Jessie B. Rittenhouse -------------------- Copyright © 2002 Don D. Pagan Don Pagan is editor / Publisher of "The Magnet-Therapist" newsletter. A forum for YOUR opinion, YOUR search for therapy and YOUR experience with pain and healing. "Pain is a universal condition - all of us have it at one time or another. Many people are seeking alternative therapy.magnettherapist@zipresponse.com <--><--><--><--><--><--> |
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